Saturday, July 13, 2013

He'd Be Eight

Eight years ago we were BLESSED to meet our second son. The day was a swirling whirlwind and I so wish I could have a do over and soak in every single moment, eight years out I am still terrified of forgetting...forgetting what his little face looked like, how his body would just relax when in my arms and the little squeaks and sounds he made. I sit here and can't help but wonder what 8 year old Isaac would be like. What would his interests be, what would he choose to do for his birthday week celebration?

It still stings...two years shy of a decade out and the tears still fall as we struggle to find a way to celebrate the gift we were given in July of 2005. He deserves to be celebrated, yet celebrating a child who is in Heaven is tough. Each year has gotten a little easier as I remind myself that there is no rulebook for this...there is no right or wrong, and that we just have to do what we think will honor him best. We typically do something to serve others and then release balloons and have cake. The kids look forward to Isaac and Asher's birthdates because we have a family fun day...and while it is bittersweet, I am so grateful it is an event the kids all look forward to.

I am so grateful for all that God has done in our lives since he blessed us with Isaac. We are changed people and the blessing Isaac is overwhelms me. So this July 14th, we will try to honor him the best we can, knowing the gift he continues to be far outweighs anything we are capable of. The hurt is still there but the gratitude continues to grow and take just a bit of the edge off of that intense heartache...as we celebrate another year we are grateful, grateful that though our hearts still ache like crazy, we have been blessed and we continue to see beauty coming from the ashes. Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing...it still takes my breath away that God chose US for this sweet boy...


I desperately wish I could look into my 8 year old's eyes and tell him how he has blessed this family and how much I love him...my heart will ache, but I take comfort in knowing that one day...I will get to do JUST THAT.


4 comments:

Sheryl said...

Love you, Kristy!!

Erika said...

sending you lots and lots of love and prayers. ((((hugs))))

siscaboo said...

Hugs and prayers. My children look forward to JT's Birthday and homecoming day every year. It is two dates they never forget. I love that even though we don't have him here on this earth with us that the kids never forget that they have a brother. We always make those days celebrations. Not that tears don't fall, but, we celebrate his life and the day he began his life in heaven. And I love the compassion that my children show to the other children that are buried with him, they clean off graves and bring flowers so that they can leave a special present to let other parents know that their children are thought of also. I am sorry sometimes I write more than I intended to. My prayers are with you today, I know how bittersweet these days are. (((HUGS))))

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

So beautiful - tears of sorrow for you friend. I am blessed by your faith and strength.