I've spent the past few afternoons as I continue to recover from surgery on the phone with our attorney and the foster agency attorney preparing for a court hearing tomorrow. Our sweet foster girl has been with us since September of 2012. She was reunited with her family for about six weeks between October and November and has been with us ever since. Nothing is new in her case it has pretty much been the same old same old for months. We petitioned to adopt her back in October and some family members decided to contest.
I believe wholeheartedly in trying to keep biological families connected. That was why we went into fostering. It was always my hope to be able to help families reunite and get back on their feet, yet in this case that hasn't been possible. It has made me heart sick. I am so grateful that we have an open and positive relationship with Jacob's biological family. I'd love for this sweet one to have the same thing but I am not sure that is in store for her.
At any rate, tomorrow we go to court and the judge will decide where our girl spends the rest of her growing years. I have peace. I know this decision is not mine to make and that He loves her more than I ever could and that He will do what is best for her and while we love her like our own and will be heartbroken to see her go, I know He is in control. I do not know much about her bio family beyond her parents and I know He does. She's been our little sunshine for about a year and a half...basically her whole life, but today as I prepare myself for court, I am reminded that none of our children are truly our own. They each belong to God and while I don't always understand what he is doing, I rest in knowing He knows what is best for each of them and for me.
Ultimately, this isn't about me. Foster parenting isn't. It is about being obedient to what God called us to and I know we've done that so I can rest in knowing that. What happens from here isn't for me to control. He owes us nothing. Our hearts may well break into a million pieces, but that is what we signed up for. We are here and willing to be her family forever if He'd bless us with this baby girl, but we also know that there are others who have biological connections and we know nothing about them to say we know what is best. We will play whatever role he calls us to and we will love her forever.
Sometimes I sit and I look at my life, the story He is writing and I wonder how much more we can endure, but I know with every storm has come a depth, a love, and a closeness with Him that could have been attained no other way. Tomorrow morning we will go before a judge and promise to always love her and we will face the family members claiming they want the same. I have no idea what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow. Would you pray with me for the judge. That he would truly look at what is best for our sweet girl , whatever that is, and that He would soothe our hearts if that means it is not us. He knows what is best and I am fully confident that whatever decision is made, will be what is best.
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